I finished DANGEROUS GIRLS by Abigail Haas the other night and have basically been a puddle of incoherent screaming and tears since. Seriously, ask anyone I’ve texted in the last 48 hours and they can verify the authenticity of that statement. I picked up a copy at DragonCon back in August on the (apparently hallucinated) recommendation of a good friend with excellent taste. It’s been sitting on my shelf, waiting, staring at me with its pastel cover and pretty promises.
Guys, I have not been this hardcore book hungover in YEARS. Even just thinking about it makes me ache and pine and want to cry. I am blown away by its brilliance. It’s kept me up at night. Expect a full review Sunday when I’ve (hopefully) calmed the hell down.
Which got me thinking of ways to distract myself and discover a cure for the chronic condition we all, inevitably, suffer.
Symptoms include, but are not limited to: angst, depression, uncontrollable weeping, rage, despondency, feelings of inadequacy, inability to think or form coherent sentences, inability to focus, tremors, fever, feeling that nothing will be okay ever again/be as earth-shatteringly perfect, and in rare cases, death (regarding your ability to seek out other books.)
After speaking with a licensed counselor (ie, me, doing everything I can to overcome this feeling), I’ve compiled a handy list of Guaranteed Cure-Alls for your reading-related ailments!**
Cure No 1: Emotional Exploration, Release, and Acceptance
This book has been in your life from 5-72 hours, and yet it has rocked you to the very core of your being. Acknowledging these feelings is healthy. If you feel the urge to weep, weep. You can sob quietly in the corner, rage like a hurricane in your vehicle (preferably when not in motion), or just sprawl out on your bed or the floor and stare at the empty ceiling, matching the oblivion you feel in your chest.
Your feelings for these fictional characters are legitimate. You have every right to feel the way you do. Embrace it. Come to terms with your emotional distress. Release these feelings as normal.
Cure No 2: Re-Read the Book
You’ve forged a bond with these characters. Re-reading may offer clarity, a chance to re-experience the magic, to revisit those turns of phrase and killer one-liners that haunt your waking hours and keep you from sleep.
Note: Re-reading may also cause an increase of symptoms. Please consult Twitter, friends, family, or your local librarian for book recommendations outside your chosen title.
Cure No. 3: Replacement Therapy
Hinging on the adverse affects of Cure No. 2, you may need to seek outside support in the form of an old classic, a beloved childhood favorite, or a completely new book.
This advice is for reading material only and should not be applied to drug use, drinking, or burying your pain by spending too much money at Sephora.
Replacement Therapy may include: binge-watching movies and/or television shows, dancing dramatically around your home, and spending too much money at Sephora.
Cure No. 4: Indoctrination
Turn your den of sorrow and frustration into a party by forcing your friends to join in your pain. Buy them a copy of the book whether there is a calendar mandated gift-giving occasion or not (because your copy is too precious to loan, of course.)
If you can bear it, loan your copy to only the most trusted of bibliophiles. You can rest assure your pages will not be dog-eared or folded.
Some distance might do you good.
Once your chosen companions been properly and similarly consumed, exalt in your mutual anguish. Friends are the best support system, after all.
*Level of ease in executing any of these cures is entirely reliant on the patient and his/her willpower. These are not medically supported cures and can therefore offer no promise of aid in recovery.
**Honestly, if you know anything about medical history, “cure alls” religiously cure nothing.
So far I’ve browbeaten four friends into reading it just so I can have someone to wail with. You just don’t understand my feelings.
But you will.
The one thing I want more than anything is to invite Abigail over for tea so we can be friends because she just seems like my kind of people. That might be creepy given the context of her book, but I let it stand.
I’m off to suppress my emotional trauma by binge-watching Buffy and attempting edits on last year’s NaNoWriMo book.
Don’t forget, there’s still time to enter the giveaway for a copy of SERVANTS OF THE STORM by Delilah S. Dawson!