Off-Kilter

Good news: I finished the draft of The Mortality Vice!
I celebrated with froyo and dancing. I’m very happy to be done with the draft and I’m really (strangely) looking forward to revisions. I’ve taken down notes on things I’ve forgotten and things I need to add or change.

But before I can do any of that, I need get some distance and let it rest. The docs are closed, the files filed away. Meanwhile, I’ve started revisions on The Killing Type.

At the risk of being overly dramatic, this first chapter is like pulling teeth. My own teeth. With rusted pliers. I don’t know if I’m apprehensive, or scared, or my mind demons are just out for blood, but I am struggling with this first chapter. I have a cleaner plot I want to integrate, things to add, characters to develop more, and a new opener, but I’m a putting up some hardcore resistance.

Maybe it’s coming off TMV, which was actually fairly easy to write. Maybe it’s switching back to a third person narrative. (I did try TKT in first, but it got too muddled with Charlotte’s schizophrenia.) I’m just… stuck. And in order to make it better, I have to push through it.

I deleted the whole first chapter. Oh! Sidebar: Apparently Scrivener keeps automatic backups, so if you read this post, turns out I didn’t delete it after all! Well, I did. But there was a backup! Anyway…

I basically started over. I think that’s why I’m fighting against myself. The thought of starting over hurts. It’s the same story, but now I’m different. I wrote a new book while thinking of ways to fix this one. I queried and I received rejections, and unanimously it was because I didn’t hook my reader in the first couple of pages.

It might also be added life stress. Here’s another blog Thursday night instead of Wednesday, but at least it’s here. I don’t think I’ll feel like myself fully until after next week. I don’t know if there will be a blog next week.

I’m going to push forward with this new chapter. The only way out is through.

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