I came across an email the other day from several years ago while cleaning out my inbox. Multiple email address means multiple piles of virtual trash. I decided to delete all the emails that didn’t hold some significant information, a fond memory, or seemed genuinely useless. Truth is, I’ve never really been an email-deleter other spam messages. One particular message happened to pop up in my merciless quest for a clean inbox.
When I was middle school, Teen Open Diary was a big thing. It was my first official blog, and though I can’t for the life of me think of what I wrote, I remember the millions of other diaries I came across. This one in particular was owned by a girl named D-chan. I thought she was awesome because her diary was decked out in Sailor Moon, and Sailor Moon was the shit. We became fast friends. She taught me HTML coding, and I briefly had a vibrant career making diary layouts for other people. We also had this sick Sailor Moon roleplay going on. I got be Sailor Saturn. My life was rad.
D-chan and I wrote letters after the whole TOD thing fizzled out. She lived in New York. I thought she was so cool. I really looked up to her. One year, I think it was Christmas day, she called me. I remember her telling me I sounded like ass. I had the flu. It was a miserable Christmas.
And then the inevitable happened: we stopped talking. I’m not even sure when, or what caused the distance between us. One day, it just was. This seems to be a common thing, actually. One day we’re fast friends, the next, it’s the occassional wave if I see you across the street.
She’d sent me an email. It was a New Year’s email, with general well-wishings. She expressed that we weren’t as close as we used to be, but that she hoped my year was bright and successful.
I never replied.
I can’t remember now if I forgot, found it again, and couldn’t think of anything to say. I’m sure I meant to reply. Words were just lost on me.
Now the email is gone. That email address no longer exists. Every now and then, I come across a letter she sent me and wonder how she is. I wonder about the other people who’ve left my life. I wonder what would have happened if I–if we–had worked harder to maintain our friendship.
In a way, it shows how much you’ve evolved. My friend Elizabeth is another of my internet-found friends. We have a running gag that whenever I call her, she never answers. Until that one time she actually did. When we met, I was in high school, she was in college. We both had shit jobs. We both loved Phantom of the Opera. We used to chat all the time. She sent me photos of the opera house from her pre-baby trip to Paris. Then she got married and had babies. Babies make chatting less frequent. I catch her on Facebook now and then, and leave her ridiculous voicemail. I have verbal confirmation that her husband sees my name on the call log and refers to me as “that weird girl you know.” We finally caught up when I called her for her birthday in May.
I have other net-friends. In fact, I’m attending the wedding of two of them in October. I’m preparing a hilarious speech as the Head Groom’s Chick on how no one at the wedding actually knows me. I’ve met neither bride nor groom. Indeed, it will be an adventure.
It’s odd to think how many people come and go in your life. I’ve had friendships slowly burn out, basically explode, end in tears, end in rage, and simply end. We agree to see other people. I tend to have a habit of attracting the weird ones–and sometimes, they’re the REALLY weird ones. Like, serious need for concern, is this the chick from Misery weird. Others, I feel I’ve lucked out, like Cat, my seriously awesome Dresden Dolls concert friend. We’re hitting Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra in September. It will be awesome. I’ve also made some new friends and am reacquainting with old ones.
I wish I could say who will remain a solid staple in my life, but I hope everyone’s enjoying the ride for now. I’ve got a story to review, a book to work on, and some sick poi choreography to finish up.